Miracles

With the holidays coming I am thinking about miracles.  While in the melanoma community we have had too many deaths and too much sadness, I want to take a moment to recognize the miracles.

Lately I have been hearing stories fighting cancer, colon cancer and other types of cancer and winning!!  People who had HUGE tumors discovered inside and they beat the odds!  People who faced death and the horrible treatments, and are here!

When we think about it, we are face challenges everyday. From medical crises of all kinds, why  do some survive and others not?  The answers come from a power higher than myself. I am grateful to meet so many survivors from so much diversity!  It gives us HOPE when there seems to be none. Many of my melahomies know this already, our community has many sad stories, many stories of re occurrences and the loss of too many people.  There comes a time to remember the miracles and that we are fighters!

I am grateful to be one of those miracles, and as one, I will continue to help find a cure for cancer.  I am planning another AIM @ Melanoma 5k Fun Run Fundraiser. I am going to continue to paint my angels for those fighting the BEAST. & I plan on sticking around a long time to continue to beat the odds!  

If you are still in the fight with cancer, know that there are those of us who have been there... and we have SURVIVED and we are rooting for you!!!  FIGHT ON and be that miracle!!!

Miracle

memories....

In January of 2011 I was admitted into St. John's Hospital in order to fight stage IV melanoma cancer. My treatment was to be one that did not promise survival. It was one of the hardest regimes known to the world of fighting cancer. As I try to not think about this time, the memories often come to me at random times... and music brings on memories.

My family would drive me to the hospital, to the Angeles Clinic and basically took care of me during my treatments. I listened to a CD by Train during the drive to Los Angeles from Laguna Beach. This morning, as I drove to work, I listened to the same CD.  I immediately was back in the front seat of my mom's jetta, in the heated leather seat, turning off the 405 freeway onto Wilshire Blvd. I immediately am flooded with the memories of how life was going to be as I began my 5 days of treatments that rendered me weak, sick, and barely alive.

Those of you fighting cancer may have experienced these feelings. These feelings do not go away. They fade...but do not go away. For me, October holds memories as it is when the horrible tumor under my left armpit began to grow, in 2010. I am not full of as much fear as I used to be in October...and I am braver now when I walk into a cancer center....as I am by all means healthy.

But, melanoma is sneaky.... and it is a beast.....  so I will always use these memories to fuel me to LIVE and NOT SETTLE for ANYTHING less than the BEST!  I will laugh and enjoy my life.  I will continue to bring awareness to melanoma....

ENJOY the song and know that "I am not a new sensation, but I am better than I've ever been!"

PEACE !

CHANGED

Those of us who have been through cancer are forever changed.  Family members who watch treatments and were caregivers are changed.... patients who lost their hair are changed... and we DO VIEW the world differently.

For me, I try to remember that being here is a MIRACLE and by the GRACE OF GOD I survived a horribly toxic treatment...biochemotherapy. As I make contact with a new cancer center to set up my checkups I realize I will be again telling the story to a new physician.

Telling how I almost died brings tears to my eyes as I can remember being in the hospital bed looking at the skyline of Los Angeles and slowly being poisoned to death in order to kill the melanoma. I remember barely being able to walk 5 feet to the bathroom and not eating for 2 weeks. I remember the look in my family's eyes as I fought. FEAR & SADNESS & HOPE all mixed together as WE ALL faced the FIGHT TOGETHER.

NOW, I do my best to support others in the fight. I paint my angel cards and reach out.... I also take a break from the cancer community as it is HEART BREAKING when we lose one of our melahomies. AND this happens more often than I WANT to mention.

CHANGE...

Cancer did TEACH me to not accept unacceptable behavior... LIFE IS TOO SHORT
Cancer did TEACH me to GO FOR IT!  You never know when you will get the opportunity again.

CANCER DID TEACH ME TO FIND JOY IN AS MANY THINGS AS POSSIBLE AND LAUGH MORE!!  

At the end, all you have is your dignity, integrity and memories....  love the ones in your life and LAUGH MORE OFTEN.

you DO NOT want to know WHAT I know about skin cancer!!

It is July, full blown summer time with people laying out all over the place, in their swim suits, TANNING!!  I have come to HATE JULY because of this!

According to AIM @ Melanoma one risk factor of melanoma is:

UV Exposure

Frequent and intense exposure to UV radiation, either from the sun or from indoor tanning devices, is the major risk factor for melanoma. It has been shown that repetitive and severe sunburns (sunburns that result in blistering), especially in childhood, put one at risk for melanoma. 

This is not a joke.... this is serious business!  Melanoma is becoming one of the fastest growing cancers for young people and 6% of young people, age 15-29, have melanoma.

Let me tell you about a cancer that people this you can "just cut out."

Melanoma often requires a lymph node biopsy... 

Melanoma often requires a wide excision of the site where the original melanoma was found.

Melanoma can look vastly different than what people think, it is sometimes pink.

MELANOMA, is one of the FASTEST metaastizing cancers out there, and once it has spread outside of your lymph system, your chances of beating it drop drastically.  I know, as I had 8% chance of living 5 years past diagnosis.  

8%

I am blessed to still be here, sharing this story.... PLEASE do not underestimate the danger of a sunburn or melanoma which is often referred to as "JUST SKIN CANCER." 

Tell Flynn's family, as they bury him this week, that it was JUST SKIN CANCER.  Tell Rose, who buried her daughter, it is JUST SKIN CANCER.  Tell Susan, who buried Jillian, it is JUST SKIN CANCER... all of these people were YOUNG, under 35!!

If I sound angry, I AM.  I AM TIRED of people thinking this is not a serious cancer and TIRED of people telling me to GET OVER IT. 

Tell my family as they supported me as I almost DIED from "JUST SKIN CANCER!"

Trust me, you do not want to know melanoma as intimately as I do.... 

SURVIVING

Surviving cancer does not always mean what we think it does. As I celebrate the success of the AIM walk and being 5 years NED, a sweet melahomie of mine is now in hospice care.  Sometimes "surviving" cancer is leaving a sick body behind and becoming an angel. I have tears rolling down my face and have had a night full of tossing and turning wondering WHY?

WHY am I here and others are facing the end of their fight with a forever good bye to their families?

It reminds me that this fight is not over and everyday is a day to show others you care and to live life to its fullest. Everyday someone is struggling with cancer, and not every survivor stays in their earthly body.

When I first came out of treatments and it was apparent to me that surviving meant breathing and working and living, I was angry.  I was angry that others did not seem to see how precious life is and how everyday is a gift. After a while, survivor guilt lessened and I got back to life as "normal."

While my new normal involves worrying about every ache and pain and wondering if the cancer is back.  I do not wish this on anyone.

It is seems so unfair that so many did not make it...  others are fighting SO HARD!

THAT IS WHY is it SO IMPORTANT to tell others that  melanoma is so much more than "JUST SKIN CANCER!!"  It is a BEAST and KILLS.  A simple sunburn can turn into so much more.... time in a tanning bed can KILL YOU!  There is NO SUCH thing as a SAFE TAN or a BASE TAN!!

GET the word out!!! GET YOUR SKIN CHECKED!! 

Please share all of these links and spread the word about MELANOMA being a KILLER!!

AIM @ Melanoma 

MRF

Claire Marie Foundation

Keegan's Kids

CELEBRATION

CELEBRATION TIME

On June 5th, 2016 we had the first AIM @ Melanoma walk in Laguna Niguel, SoCAL. 

It was amazing!  I was so proud of all the people who came out to support melanoma fighters!  

When I went home after the walk, my heart overflowed with LOVE and HAPPINESS.

 LOVE & HAPPINESS

Despite the hard ships that CANCER had caused in all our lives, we stood STRONG together and made a difference in the lives of others with our donations of $$ & time as each step was dedicated to CURING melanoma. 

If you are newly diagnosed... please know that the road to recovery is one that takes time but CAN BE DONE!  I am proof that people beat this beast!!  There are so many of us out here, fighting for a CURE but supporting the researchers and doctors.  WATCH out MELANOMA, YOU ARE GOING DOWN!!

#MelanomaJustGotPersonal

#Screwyoucancer

Honoring Angels

Sunday will be the first annual AIM @ Melanoma walk in Laguna Niguel, CA. I am so proud to have the opportunity to bring together so many wonderful people to make this a successful event!

AIM Walk


Melanoma has affected too many lives, mine is one of those.

Late 2010, I had a huge tumor growing in my l
left armpit. By the end of the year it was diagnosed as stage IV melanoma. It was my 2nd time being diagnosed with melanoma... the 1st time was in 2000 when I had a stage 1 melanoma removed from my arm.  THAT's right, it came back after 10 years.

I fought HARD with 5 rounds of biochemotherapy. (This is equivalent to 2 years of chemo in 5 months & 2 immunotherapy drugs all administered in a hospital.)  After surgery in May of 2011, to remove the dead tumor, I was declared cancer free, or as we say in the world of melanoma, NED ( No Evidence of Disease). I was a miracle & here I am 5 years later!

STILL ALIVE AND NED!

I am dedicating Sunday's walk to those who are fighting and those who passed as we have many new angels from our melanoma community. It IS a battle we can win on our lifetime, the battle against melanoma and all cancers.  

See you SUNDAY!

Melanoma Awareness Month 2016

It is melanoma awareness month again.... and I am still here to CELEBRATE beating stage IV cancer!

I kicked cancer's ASS! SCREW YOU MELANOMA

Here some recent thoughts I have had after 5 years.

• FIGHT Everyday I am ALIVE is a fight to keep the cancer aware, because melanoma is a diagnosis you keep forever.... and stress is something that opens the door for it to return.
• survivor's guilt: I still feel SAD when others pass from this wicked disease, and want to use my survival to bring awareness and HOPE to others.
• happiness: BE HAPPY and STAY POSITIVE because nothing is as hard as fighting cancer!
  

While people do not understand why I still bring it up or how close to death I was.... I know and my family knows and my melahomies know. Melanoma has a mind of its own and often stays away fro years before it returns and no one knows why. 

The one certainty is to prevent melanoma, stay in the shade, use sunscreen, and when in doubt cut it out!

I hope if you find this blog you are doing well and know that others have beat stage 4 melanoma!  PEACE!

  This past week I was blessed to be able to go to Washington D.C. and be an advocate for the Melanoma Research Foundation.  This is an experience I am SO GRATEFUL to have participated in as a survivor and as an advocate for those you cannot go and are suffering from treatments and of course, I went for those who are no longer with us!  

 22 states were represented in Washington!  And a BIG THANK YOU to the Melanoma Research Foundation  for their support and training for those of us that were newbies to the entire D.C. scene. Together, we advocated for 4 main points to assist in preventing and CURING melanoma!!! 

As I was in D.C. , I received word that an AIM walk I am organizing will have a BIG sponsor!  As soon as I have ironed out the details I will let you all know!  

And while these wonderful events were happening....  our melanoma community lost another warrior....  and I was reminded of the reason I am fighting SO hard everyday to stay NED myself and fighting for others!  This disease is so insidious and horrible and it is time for melanoma to be in the news, to get the notoriety that it deserves and it time for all of us to go after MELANOMA and take it down!!! I will continue to do what all I can to battle against melanoma. 

Melanoma... Screw you!! You are going down!!

Ripple

My husband loves the Grateful Dead and listens to them often.  One of their songs that I love is Ripple. The following lyrics reminds me of battling cancer.

There is a road, no simple highway
Between the dawn and the dark of night
And if you go no one may follow
That path is for your steps alone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=671AgW9xSiA



Battling cancer is a family affair as entire families face doctors, hospital stays, side effects, and FEAR death. Yet, in the dark of night the patient is the one to face this fight.

I remember nights, when everyone was sleeping, if I woke up I would cry. I would cry for my family watching me fight. I would cry for the thought of leaving them.  The path of facing death was mine alone to face.  

I cannot tell you how much it meant to know I had so many people praying for me!  My family was a ROCK of support and I will ALWAYS be grateful to them.  

I pray for those laying in hospital beds now, laying in bed now, feeling so sick you don't know how your are going to get yourself to the bathroom. And you don't want to lose that one ability to walk yourself to the toilet..... you are tired of asking for help.... and you are tired of feeling so tired.

This is my shout out to you that while you feel the steps are for you alone you have people you have never met praying for you!  While you and your body are fighting and you do need to face the treatment physically alone.... you have an army of prayers coming your way!!  


THANKS to my Mom for always being there during the sleepless nights when I cried. I was never really alone. 

 

Listen to Ripple  =  Ripple

the 5th YEAR

2016 is officially the 5th year since I was diagnosed with stage IV metastatic melanoma. I had melanoma in my lungs, in my sacrum, and sub cutaneous tumors popping up on my abdomen. Plus the MONSTER 16 tumor under my left armpit, wrapped around the brachial plexus nerve.  I had an 85 chance of being here today.  And in May is when I was told the tumor activity had ceased. I was officially NED after a radical dissection to remove the dead tumor in May of 2011. Needless to say, I am very grateful to be HERE writing this blog.


It is amazing that so many treatments options have come out since then!  It is amazing that so many people are being declared NED!! I am beyond grateful.

YET, my heart is heavy with the losses in the melanoma community this year. My heart is heavy for those who are fighting with so much pain right now.

This year I am taking more steps to FIGHT melanoma. I am heading to Washington D.C. in March for the MRF and an AIM Walk in June. I am 1 person on a mission.

BRING AWARENESS & RAISE $$ to help the Organizations that Help SUPPORT a CURE for the BEAST!  WILL you join me in this mission??

MELANOMA, here I come!!