Base Tan?? REALLY?!!?

Alright....think you need a base tan? I used to think the same way. As a young person, as above in my prom picture with my twin sister, being TAN was the way to be! I grew up in a time when people tanned....I think it was even kind of a sport. How tan can you get? If you were not tan...well, time to lay out on the sand and COOK.

One year, I needed to keep a "BASE TAN" because it was winter. SO, a friend of mine got me a job at her brother's tanning salon. REALLY? A tanning salon in Southern California?? SERIOUSLY?? I used those death machines.

Let me show can happen to you while you are trying to maintain your tan or get a base tan in a tanning bed.

OK, this is me, 2 years ago. I can hardly look at these pictures without crying. I did 5 rounds of bio-chemotherapy. The 5 drugs used to save my life were IL-2, Interferon, Cisplatin, Vistplatin, and Temodar. These drugs were given to at the SAME TIME for 5 day stretches. I completed 3 rounds and had a break down in my doctor's office. I just could not take anymore. The drugs felt like glass shards entering my body. I would hardly eat 1/2 cup of applesauce in a 14 day period. I was dying. Either the cancer or the treatment was going to kill me.

SO, is a base tan worth it?According to SkinCancer.org

"No matter what you may hear at tanning salons, the cumulative damage caused by UV radiation can lead to premature skin aging (wrinkles, lax skin, brown spots, and more), as well as skin cancer. In fact, indoor ultraviolet (UV) tanners are 74 percent more likely to develop melanoma than those who have never tanned indoors."

I was stage IV M1c:   The tumor has metastasized to organs other than the lungs, and serum LDH is normal, OR  There are any distant metastases with elevated LDH

And survival rates?  According to AIM at Melanoma:

Why LDH Levels Are Important

Compared with the survival of patients with normal LDH levels, patients with abnormal LDH levels have significantly worse overall survival. The respective 1-, 2-, and 5 year survival rates were: (2)

Abnormal LDH - 33%, 18%, 10%

Well,I am still here!! 2 years in REMISSION, NED!!

I have my hair back!!  I have hips again!!  (not bony ones...lots to love kind!)

That is why I will never lose:

KEEP FIGHTING ALL YOU WARRIORS!!

Why Me?

For me, it has been the fact that I am a cancer patient. I am in remission, but I do still see a doctor quite frequently. I often feel jealous of healthy people! I think "WHY ME!?!" What did I do to deserve this?

Now I think, how in the hell did I survive?? Why did I get to live while so many others die? How did my body tolerate 5 of the most toxic drugs out there? How on earth did I get through it all?

Well, Heavenly Father helped me....my Angels watched over me.....and PRAYERS. I do believe in the power of prayer. Each day I pray for those who are still battling cancer.

I pray for them to find the strength to tolerate the intense drugs. The interferon, the IL-2, the chemotherapy and all the numerous side affects that are freakin HORRIBLE!!! 

SO, why did I live?  I AM A FIGHTER!  I AM STRONG!!!  
For those of you who are fighting....FIGHT ON!
For those of you who have lost a loved one....I know they are in heaven. And it sucks they are no longer here.....their suffering is over. I almost left my physical body and went there myself....

PEACE to ALL Warriors!! 

Facing the Unfaceable...

What if....?  What is I got cancer? What if I had little chance to survive? What if a loved one were given this horrible news?

WHAT IF I had to face the unfaceable?

Cancer is just one of the very challenging obstacles that a person can face in his/her life. I had to face this challenge.  You never know how you will do it until you are put right in the middle of the hell. This essay is purely my opinion based on my experiences with cancer. I feel that facing a serious illness is similar to the grieving process, because I know I grieved the healthy life I thought I was leading and dove straight into doctor's offices, exam rooms, white coats, hospital beds.....being poked with needles for blood work and having a double port. I had to immediately leave behind my life of skiing, family, teaching for a life of blood work, home health care hydration and a quick fast course in chemistry and biology of my body and cancer.

When you hear that something may be fatal and or debilitating a person may immediately think of the activities in life you may miss out on. You think about your child's high school graduation or wedding. You think about how you may have missed the opportunity to make peace with someone you care about.  AND, of course, there is SHOCK!


It is easy to think that life as you know it is over. I definitely still feel that way when I think about my love of my mountain bike. I would take this beautiful ride from my house, to Lake Alpine and swim. Then I would ride fast back down to Bear Valley and home!  My summers were definitely full of these adventurous activities and I even did a mini-triathlon! I was almost last, but I did it!!

Then....cancer. Cancer that would kill me. REALLY??? 

Why Me? Did I deserve this? WHY? WHY? WHY?
Then, How the hell do I kick cancer's ass, because I am NOT GOING DOWN without a FIGHT!!!

So, my fight began...the search for a speicalist, the treatments that took me to deaths door, yet they were supposed to "get easier," HA to that!

And recovery....regaining my stamina and energy to LIVE.

I remember telling myself I would face whatever the outcome with DIGNITY and COURAGE. Whether that was to be death or survival. There were many times I did not know which path I would finally take.

My goal today is to keep the fear of a reoccurence at bay...not to let the fear take over my life. I may not mountain bike again, but I have skied!  I even hit some black diamond runs! It was exhilarating.

I think one way I got through cancer treatments was to think of the future and all the things I would do!  Sometimes I am still jealous of people who do not have to think about cancer and I seriously wish I was not in the chemo club or a melahomie!  But I am....and today I will hold my head up high and share my story and hopefully help others to continue to HOPE for miracles. I know I am a walking miracle.

Thanks for your time!! And remember:

HANG IN THERE!

At pyschcentral you can read more about the stages of grieve:

 http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/

The 5 stages are 1) Denial Isolation 2) Anger 3) Bargaining 4)Depresion 5) Acceptance.

Melanoma: Back to life after stage IV melanoma: If I knew then what I know now.....

Melanoma: Back to life after stage IV melanoma: If I knew then what I know now.....: I am fairly certain that most people my age, 43, look back and think about how they could have done things different. I would have NOT eaten...

If I knew then what I know now.....

I am fairly certain that most people my age, 43, look back and think about how they could have done things different. I would have NOT eaten so many chicken wings in my 20s.  I would have not said those hurtful words in anger.

I would NOT have spent SO much time laying out in the sun, trying to keep my fair skin tan. Even though I grew up where everyone was tan...I would have done it different.

How does a teenager even comprehend how their actions will affect their adult life?  Anyone over 25 is OLD. How do we inform teenagers that it is SO very dangerous to engage in certain activities such drinking and driving, having unprotected sex, and TANNING? How does tanning even fit into this category?  Well, it does!  The facts are overwhelming.

AS I read in one of the melanoma awareness blogs I keep track at :

http://blackispink.blogspot.com/2013/04/does-tanning-ban-deny-parental-rights.html

I realize how important it is to continue to share with people howdangerous skin cancer is! Melanoma is SO extremely dangerous! 

As stated on the webpage for the Skin Cancer Foundation:  http://www.skincancer.org/prevention/tanning

"MELANOMA SOARS AMONG YOUNG ADULTS

 A new study has revealed an alarming rise in melanoma among people aged 18 to 39: over the past 40 years, rates of this potentially deadly skin cancer grew by 800 percent among young women and 400 percent among young men. Researchers examined data on the 256 young adults in Olmstead County, MN, who were diagnosed with melanoma between 1970 and 2009."

If I knew now what I know now...... I would not tan with baby oil for hours on the beach until I was baked and burned!  I would not have used that tanning bed to accelerate my "tan"!  I would want to know how I would be fighting for my life in 2011 and that all my efforts to tan would end me up like this:

to eventually this:

to my last round of bio chemo:

to having this after the surgery to remove the dead tumor:

So, please do not tell me that skin cancer is only skin cancer.... and let us all protect people from the dangers of tanning...because I am 1 out of 5 stage IV survivors....who is alive to talk.

peace out!