Jealous

I try really hard to be positive. My goal is to live with an attitude of gratitude. BUT, jealousy has been on my mind.  I am jealous of people who have not had to deal with cancer.

When you look at me you cannot see my scars. They are too deep and under the skin, literally. The surgery was more than 2 years ago, May 9, 2011.

Some of the notes from this procedure are, " This was a long and difficult operation because of the desmoplastic reaction secondary to the biochemotherapy, but we were very pleased that we had a clean resection outside the fascial planes encompassing the tumor. We are hopeful that with this procedure, the patient will be rendered free of disease with her advanced malignant melanoma with a combination of biochemotherapy and surgery. Blood loss was estimated at about 100 ml. The specimens sent to pathology consisted of an en bloc axillary dissection."


Looking "Normal" is acceptable for me, as looking like a cancer patient was not fun either. People look at you with pity. People do not know how much my left arm hurts due to the invasion surgery to remove the cancer. I save my complaints for my hubby, (THANKS DEAR!!) yet I am very weak and say if I swim I swim like Nemo, with one arm and in circle.

So, I am envious of people who live cancer free. People who go about their business, not knowing if a new pain is a reoccurence. People who do not worry about their next scans.

I live with cancer. I will always be a stage IV melanoma patient. I am fortunate to be GRATEFUL to be NED. (No Evidence of Disease). Melanoma patients do not use the word remission.

Most days I go about my daily business, plan meals for my family, think about my classroom, think about my family. BUT, melanoma is ALWAYS lurking in the shadows of my mind. I PRAY it will not reappear in my body. I am saddened by the losses in the melanoma community...so many young people. AND the youngest of all is about to pass from melanoma. A sweet 2 year old who is the only case of melanoma being passed during pregnancy.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/arizona-baby-melanoma-mothers-womb-alive/story?id=18922718

BASICALLY, CANCER SUCKS!!

Staying Strong

Excerp from 1 of the many pages from my medical papers:

" Gentlemen:

This is a letter in follow-up on care for Miss Stephanie Bowen who was seen initially at our clinic on January 3, 2011 for metastic malignant melanoma, N!B with lung metastases. As discussed, she was started on biochemotherapy due to the high growth fraction of her tumor, and for improvement of morbidity.

...

[At this point a lot of medical terms are used to decribe my condition and my reaction to the treatments.] 

We feel fortunate that things have fallen into place appropriately for Stephanie, and will continue to keep you informed of her progress."

This last Monday, 2 days ago, another warrior lost his fight with melanoma. His body was unable to handle the treatments, yet his spirit kept going on.

I know I am blessed to be here. I do not know why I am here, but, I am here.  Melanoma is ferioucious and I always have a shadow of fear that it will return. These days I enjoy my status of NED. While I stay strong....others are literally fighting for their lives. Some do not win this battle with CANCER. SOME PEOPLE LOSE.  IT is extremely SAD. SAD does not even express how one feels when we hear that a warrior has died.

Many of my adventures this summer are dedicated to fellow warriors. I try to raise awareness whenever I am able. I stay strong for those who are fighting.

May angels look after those left behind. May angels look after those who are fighting.

Take care of your skin!

SUNBURN!!

PS, This post is a follow up to my last post. 

SUNBURNS ARE BAD! 

This is what happened to my very own daughter on a "CLOUDY DAY."  YES, you can get a sunburn on an overcast day.  This was an overcast and cool day in Huntington Beach last month.   My response to my daughter is one I will not put in writing. It was along the lines of "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE ##** KIDDIN' ME!!!!!"


So my fellow sun worshippers, every sunburn you get increases your chances of getting melanoma as an adult. I won't throw stats at you, just know that MELANOMA is BAD. Melanoma is CANCER and it KILLS.


Please protect yourselves on these sunny days. I know my daughter regretted this burn and does not want me to get MAD at her again.

MELANOMA IS MORE than SKIN CANCER!!

Moving On with LIFE

Well, I am now a bit over 2 years out of cancer treatments. I am EXTREMELY BLESSED to be one of the few with a stage IV diagnosis who is still ALIVE. My philosophy has been to keep going forward, no matter how hard it seems.

When I was sick, I hunkered down into the horrific treatments of biochemotherapy. My body was broken down to its last bits of strength. I could barely walk 10 feet without being totally exhausted. Getting dressed to go to the doctor took all my energy for the day. I needed a wheelchair to get around after treatments.When people saw me, they looked away...it is hard to see someone dying.

BUT, I MADE IT!

My advice to anyone going through cancer treatment is to look to the future. What will you do when you are out of treatment? I always thought of the things I would do when I got through. Granted, I am now just getting my energy back. It has taken 2 years to recover. I did it! My hubby and I went to Glacier National Park and we had always wanted to go there!

We are busy living life,and even though my body took a toll from chemo and I have arthritic conditions in my hips that was exaggerated due to the cancer treatment, I will keep moving forward!

I send my love and support to all people facing cancer. I pray constantly for people who are struggling right now with cancer.

When you hear the words of a cancer diagnosis and see a doctor look at you with a SAD-SAD face....and you do not know if you are going to see your next birthday, your heart is broken. Your heart breaks for your family and those that may have to bury you and go on living after you have passed. I cannot express the sadness of that feeling. I faced that and I have come out the other side.There is no telling how long I will be NED, as melanoma is life long diagnosis & lifelong fight.

BE assured, I will fight like HELL again if I need to, and until then I will enjoy LIFE!

Teens & the Sun

 I NEED to share about why it is SO IMPORTANT that we in the melanoma community continue to encourage laws are passed preventing teens from using tanning beds. My family thinks I need a new job as a sunscreen police. BUT, let's not lose our heads here!

As an educator, I have studied brain development of teenagers. Teenagers do not have fully developed frontal lobes. This means they are unable to fully understand consequences of their actions. That is why we adults need to limit and prevent teens access to dangerous things, such as alcohol, tobacco, and tanning beds. Teenagers are literally challenged by their lack of brain development. It's just science.

My very own daughter and niece, who watched me almost DIE from "skin cancer" went out on a cloudy day and were horribly sunburned!  Even after a lecture from me, and after being given sunscreen, and told to simply stay out of the sun, they came home from a day on the beach with SUN BURNS.

In Southern California the term "June Gloom" describes the weather in June because of the marine layer that covers the beaches. This foggy and cool weather fools people into thinking they cannot get sunburned. This is FALSE SECURITY. You can still end up looking like Barbie. It is nothing to smile about Barbie!  You are ruining your skin and increasing your risk of cancer with every burn.

For those who think teenagers can decide for themselves, well...not even teens in my own family were able to make smart sun choices. AS the adults, we need to guide teens in safe sun use. I have a picture of my daughter's burn and will post the image at a later date. For now, I want to remind everyone of the how the UV rays hurt us.

Please cover up, even in June Gloom......a sunburn may last longer than you think 

with a diagnosis of melanoma. 

SHADE: The Best Sunscreen

With summer here for many us, we all will be hading to the beach, or out camping, or just to our gardens and decks. BUT, we need to remember to cover up.  Being a skin cancer survivor I make a point to learn about and use sunscreen. Therefore, I am going to get a little bit preachy with you today!  The teacher in me is coming out to school ya!!

What I have learned is  the following:

• We all need broad sprectrum sunscreen. The protects us from all types of UV rays, the ones that burn and the ones that cause cancer.
• Reapply every 2 hours with about an ounce. BE GENEROUS.
• The newest info says that NO SUNSCREEN IS WATERPROOF. FDA has passed regulations telling sunscreen companies they cannot say that their sunscreen is waterproof or waterproof.
• The shorter your shadow, the more damaging the sun.
• USE SHADE, CLOTHING, AND HATS TO COVER UP WHILE OUTSIDE.  (Yes, I have heard some women say they do not want "hat head", but let me tell you, skin cancer is much harder to deal with than messing up your hair.
• ANY "TAN" IS AN INDICATION OF SKIN DAMAGE.
• With every sunburn a person gets, his or her chance of melanoma increases, drastically.

SEEK SHADE:   shade is an orginal and natural kind of sunscreen. Stay in the shade for extra protection.

Please go to http://www.skincancer.org/prevention/sun-protection/shade/seek-the-shade#panel1-3

for more definitive information about shade and any other topics concerning the sun and your skin.

The bottom line is this: too much sun is NOT a healthy practice like we thought. Getting a tan, is not healthy. Melanoma is the deadliest form of skin cancer and so many more people are being diagnosed with this disease. TAKE CARE of the skin your in. LOVE your pale complexion. Take vitamin D supplements.

BE SUN SMART, YOUR LIFE

MAY DEPEND ON IT!

ouch......

Carpe Diem

I write this on the last day of Melanoma Awareness Month. I am PROUD to say I feel that more people are becoming aware of Melanoma Cancer....and it is being know as more than "just skin cancer."
I realize my activism is a bit much for people, but I remember those dark days of battling cancer with every ounce of my being.....lying in a bed, looking at the skyline of Los Angeles.....  hoping I made it through the BRUTAL bio-chemotherapy treatments.   I MADE IT!


UNFORTUNATELY, so many people do not make it. SO many people have to say good bye to their families...Jillian, Tina, and so many others I cannot remember all the names. SO MANY that at a melanoma rally/fundraiser there are about only 5 purple survivor shirts in the crowd of 200. TOO MANY people diagnosed with this completely preventable disease. PREVENTION  is SO MUCH easier than the FIGHT.

That is why I want to talk a bit about Carpe Diem.  My motto is really about CARPE DIEM. I need to sieze every moment and LIVE. I need to live like I could be diagnosed again and leave behind my family, my beautiful daughter and my sweet hubby. My twin sister, my mother, my younger sister.....are all people who suffered so much watching me battle.

So, IN HONOR of those who did not make it, I will CARPE DIEM. My hubby surprised me by saying "Let's go to Montana." I cried my eyes out, thinking of all the wonderful car trips we have had, SO HAPPY we will have more!!

As summer approaches, I hope YOU ALL CARPE DIEM!!  I wish Chelsea Price a WONDERFUL WEDDING!  I WISH Melissa Collins a GREAT time watching her daughter graduate high school!! I wish ROSE Seaman a wonderful summer at Tina's Place, celebrating melanoma cancer survivors in honor of her BEAUTIFUL daughter who left us TOO EARLY.  I know my melahomies in Australia, Jennifer and Kye will have a FANTASTIC Winter....(you have opposite seasons, right?) AND HUGS for every NEW MELAHOMIE I meet via the internet, Denny in Georgia, you make me smile every day, Susan in the Bay Area....YOU ARE A TRUE WARRIOR.

CARPE DIEM with the ones you love this summer!!