More thoughts on Cancer Survivorship

Today I took my dog on a walk on the river bank looking for eagles. I always find my brain remembering that 2 years ago I was in the hospital, it was my 2nd round of biochemotherapy, something people do not understand unless they have been through it. I wonder why am I here? And then I think I am so grateful I am here! I truly need to stay positive and not take life for granted. Every extra day, extra month, and extra year I get after a stage IV diagnosis is a blessing. It is a chance for me to spread HOPE for others diagnosed with melanoma. 

I loaned my book to a co-worker, because it seemed easier than explaining my experience with cancer. She returned it to me with a gift...a card and an angel. Her words were to me were, "you are so strong and you have left an impression on me." I was flabbergasted. The kindness was so much appreciated.

So, if I share with you the dangers of melanoma and skin cancers, and I share my harrowing story, it is to spread hope. It is not to annoy you or be a martyr. I simply want to spread HOPE and good vibes into the world as when you are at the end that is all there is. I know, I have been there. I came back to help others...and I will continue to do so.

Hugs to the melanoma community online, as one of my online cancer survivor friends said, Thank You all my Mela-homies!  Together we will make a difference!  

Melanoma Awareness

Hello everyone,

It is amazing to me how people are still confused that a skin cancer can be deadly. Just yesterday someone asked me, "what type of cancer did you have?" and after  I said "melanoma" she said, "skin cancer?"  YES, skin cancer......

SO, I write this post with this in my thoughts: people need to start understanding the REAL dangers of "Skin Cancer." I realize there are more skin cancers out there than melanoma...but my life experience is with this deadly form of skin cancer. The beast MELANOMA.

People need to know that once you develop even a small melanoma on your skin, it can come back at anytime. Many times it does not, but in my case it did. My original melanoma was fall of 2000. It returned in 2010 and was a stage IV by Christmas. We did not know if I was going to live to my 41st birthday in March of 2011.  

Melanoma is one of the HARDEST cancers to beat and is almost always fatal. The statistics are very grim. THANKFULLY there are SO many doctors out there, like Dr. Omid Hamid and his colleagues at the Angeles Clinic and Dr. Morton at the John Wayne Cancer Center who have dedicated their lives to researching this ugly disease and bringing hope to so many of us. Without them I would not be here.

With patience I will do my small part to spread awareness that skin cancer is CANCER. While many people do catch it early and are able to "cut it out" and go on with life, there are many people dying everyday from skin cancer and others battling with every ounce of their beings RIGHT NOW to survive. 

I know there is simply a lot of ignorance about the dangers of the sun and tanning beds. BUT, be warned melanoma, there is an army gathering and we are going to start getting LOUD!!!  

HOPE

I want to post a quick message of HOPE for anyone who is new to melanoma. This cancer has had such a reputation of being deadly. YET, here we are, so many of us making it through the difficult treatments and the horrible news that the cancer had spread. I just met a new melanoma friend in Australia who is facing brain surgery, again, this week. SHE is PERSEVERING through a terrifying and horrible diagnosis!

The "club" of cancer survivor-ship is growing everyday!  From breast cancer, to ovarian cancer, and melanoma.....we are out here, we are surviving and thriving. Do not mess with a cancer survivor!  Spread the word that melanoma, aka, skin cancer, is DEADLY. AND there is HOPE!

Anyone who is diagnosed with melanoma needs to see a melanoma specialist. Take care people, and stay pale!

I am a SURVIVOR. 

Stress

Stress: this has been on my mind all week. I work in education and this can be a stressful environment at times. I want to share how I feel stress affected me and how I am fairly certain is contributed to me getting sick. 

Before my diagnosis in Fall of 2010, I had experience 3 of the most stressful years of my life, both personally and professionally. My life was a constant bombardment of stress. My husband and I went through a "bad spell" for sure. We were close to splitting up our 20 year marriage. This made my home life hard.  My work became a refuge, until my I heard my school was to be closed. At that point, I began to have many criticisms thrown my way about my professional capabilities. I went on the defense and behaved as someone on guard at all times. My health took the toll. It actually began early 2010.

I had a BAD case of bronchitis. I suffered panic attacks. My life felt as though it were disintegrating right before my very eyes. The stress was constant. It was early summer of 2010 I felt a lump under my left armpit. I dismissed it...but it did not dismiss me. 

An article in Scientific America states: "Studies have shown that stress might promote cancer indirectly by weakening the immune system's anti-tumor defense or by encouraging new tumor-feeding blood vessels to form. But a new study published April 12 in The Journal of Clinical Investigation shows that stress hormones, such as adrenaline, can directly support tumor growth and spread."  http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=does-stress-feed-cancer

Fall of 2010 I began a new position as at my work and it came with loads of scrutiny, both from bosses and the community. By then I had healed my personal problems...but it was too late. The cancer had taken root months ago probably, and it too off! One of the first questions posed to me by Dr. Morton at the John Wayne Cancer Center was, "what changed in your life, what kind of stress have you been under?"


The bottom line is, stress is so harmful on a body. When you are under immense amounts of stress and there is no relief, your body is under attack. Your immune system can no longer do its job. Therefore, it is essential to avoid living like this. Do what you can to not allow negative circumstances to take over your life. Do things that make you HAPPY. I know the dangers of stress all too well. Take Care of yourself and avoid negative places and people if you can. That has become my goal.

ps....that is a picture of my love, Abby...we were hiking the Tahoe Rim Trail. She makes me happy!  

16 Year Old Me

 

In honor of a blog I follow called "Melanoma Sucks" at http://melissa-melanomasucks.blogspot.com/ I am going to do my own Dear 16 Year Old me!

Dear 16 year old me,

Please do not spend so much time laying out on the beach using baby oil! You do not need to be tan. There is a reason you have freckles. YOU are a pale skin person who needs sunscreen. Also, a tanning bed...REALLY? Take Care of your skin!

Sincerely,

Older Me. 

ps....older me...forgive 16 year old me for what she did, she did not know how scary melanoma really was and she definitely did not know you would be fighting stage IV cancer 20 years later.

In case you have not watched the "Dear 16 Year Old Me" video, here is a link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4jgUcxMezM

Passing time with Cancer

Lately it has crossed my mind that passing time after fighting cancer is very different than "regular" time. Many people will have a serious bout with the flu or something that takes them out for a couple weeks. Then you are back on your feet, back to work with no visible scars.

Cancer time is different. The treatment I had left me super skinny....bald and WEAK. Chemotherapy regiments can last from 5 months  (like mine) or up to 2 years. During treatments, cancer patients measure time by their chemotherapy cycles. Mine was a 22 day cycle...5 days were in the hospital...with 3 days of visitations by a home health care nurse who would check my vitals and take blood samples for the lab to ensure my liver was still functioning. During this time I was too ill to do just about anything. 

After my the operation to remove the dead tumor, I was still extremely weak. I returned to work a mere 3 1/2 months later.... as a school teacher. Most people did not know that I came home most days so achy and still in pain that  I would sit in my comfy chair and cry.

I do not mean to whine, but I think some people may think I need to get over it. Sure...get over almost dying. I feel as though cancer has changed the course of my life. I want to inform others about the dangers of melanoma and help give others HOPE. I never knew I could get through such an intense treatment. I never knew I had the strength to do so. BUT I DID.

So, the time in my life will continue to be BC (Before Cancer) and AC (After Cancer). My spiritual life and my physical life has been forever altered by my battle with melanoma. My heart goes out to those who have fought the beast and have lost their life. I will continue to spread melanoma awareness.

Peace!

the Strength in Sharing

Recently I have made more friends via facebook, friends whose lives have been touched by melanoma. Some people are old hands at dealing with this foe, like me, and others are brand new to the terror of cancer. I think it is very important for people to discuss their feelings about cancer. I am not a therapist, but I can tell you how cancer affected my family.

At the end of my treatment (which I mark after the surgery that removed a large area of dead tumor under my left armpit including large margins, leaving me with limited mobility in my left arm) I cried and cried and cried. I actually cried for the entire summer of 2011. I felt as though I had just escaped hell. I was so thin and weak. People in my community avoided me or did not recognize me as I looked like the quintessential cancer patient that I was.

Then the unimaginable happened...my daughter's life was at risk. She developed major depression as she somehow thought she caused my cancer.Without giving too much away of her personal story, we almost lost her. Allison is the light of our lives. We love her so very much.  She is now involved in a suicide prevention group at school.

The point in sharing this is that cancer is not only a physical ailment. It messes with your mind and those around you. It is important to talk to your kids, in an age appropriate manner, about the disease. My heart was broken when I had to leave Allison to get well.

I share this to let everyone know that we are on the other side of this hell!  My family is stronger than ever and we beat cancer together!  I always thought of my daughter and husband and fought like hell to survive the treatments.I prayed that if God meant to take me, then he needed to comfort my family.

To all those melanoma warriors, FIGHT LIKE HELL!  to all the families supporting patients, WE LOVE YOU! Keep fighting the fight! 



Happy New Year!!
"I will go in this way
And I'll find my own way out"  Dave Matthews Band  (I found my way out!!)