Every month is Melanoma Awareness Month for me.....

As with so many other melanoma survivors, melanoma awareness month is every month for me. I am always trying to think of ways to spread awareness and am always caught off guard when people seem surprised that I almost died from skin cancer.

I am not shy about my experiences with melanoma and tell anyone and everyone. Recently, a coworker mentioned a friend telling her that his parent had skin cancer and it turned into another cancer in his liver and he was getting checked to see if it had gone to his brain.  Sounds like melanoma to me!!!

How do we get the word out that melanoma is WAY more than "JUST SKIN CANCER!!"  ???

HOW DO WE GET PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND A SUNBURN CAN BE SO DANGEROUS??

I am not quite sure..... most people do not want to talk about cancer.

I know it is hard to talk about cancer.  I do not want to talk about it, but my life depends upon being knowledgeable about cancer. My life will always take me to a cancer center for scan results, which I PRAY will always show I am NED.

I am not sure how to tell people and convince them that melanoma is so much more than just something you can cut out. IT IS DEADLY.

I HATE you CANCER

Dear Melanoma,

I really HATE you.I do not hate a lot of things, but you I HATE. WHAT I hate especially about you is how you made my family think they would lose me. I hate how sad everyone was when they saw me, sick and skinny and bald.  BUT, guess what?  I AM WINNING!  Next month I will see my daughter graduate high school!  This photo is when she'd come see me when I was in treatment, and it ROCKED her world thinking I was going to be gone.

I am 4 years NED and I PRAY everyday you never enter my life again. Every step I take, EVERY veggie I eat, EVERY negative thought I banish from my brain is done to KEEP you away.  LEAVE us alone!

I would end this sincerely or love, but I'd rather say F U!!!

Strong Steph staying strong, signing out!

Christmas Wish

I know it is March 22nd, but recently my husband and I found a Christmas letter from our daughter from 2010.

She asked for a cell phone because her Mom has cancer and has to go away.

It breaks my heart to think about what cancer did to my family. BUT, that is now in the past and the whole cancer experience seems like a bad dream.

As I ponder the WHY of getting sick.... I know the answers to this are not for my brain. I am blessed to be here and my goal now is to continue to give out HOPE and POSITIVE energy to those who are fighting a late stage cancer diagnosis.

I will continue to spread awareness as Melanoma is one of the fastest growing cancers. 

I titled this blog "back to life...." to chronicle life after surviving melanoma....& I wasn't sure how long I would be writing as statistics gave me 8-10% chance of surviving 5 years about diagnosis.

For those who passed on....  it is easier to die than live is something I have told my husband. If I had died, I was the lucky one to end my suffering.... and there have been days I thought, "I am alive for THIS?" 

At the end of my treatment my beloved little mountain school was closed and my family had to move so I could keep a job ( because we wanted insurance I was pretty sure my boss was trying to get rid of me) and as a result of the move our daughter suffered severe depression and we lost our dream cabin. I stayed alive for this??  

I beat the beast and I am here to send angels into the world and love and HOPE.

Random Thoughts

As you get farther away from cancer treatment, life begins to take on a "regular" pace. And that is just fine with me.... BUT, thoughts of cancer are always present.

BIG THINGS I have learned:
1) there are no big things!
2) life is precious!
3) if I don't have enough $ for all my bills, it's ok to have a pile of bills I can't pay
4) did I say Life is PRECIOUS? well , it is......

I know some people are still fighting and I will continue to pray for them.

I HOPE my story of hope can help someone out there.

sidenote: I had a good friend die after fighting breast cancer for years, back a few years ago. She had wanted to see her daughter graduate. She did not get to.... My BEAUTIFUL daughter will graduate in May and I AM ALIVE TO SEE IT!!  I LOVE YOU ALLISON!!

SHOUT OUT to CAREGIVERS

Lately I have been thinking a lot about caregivers.  Over the winter holiday, I visited my Mom in her small retirement style apartment. I saw her comfy recliner which I set in while I stayed with her during my cancer treatments.


It was HORRIBLY HARD for those around me to watch as I lost weight and got weaker and weaker. I can never truly say THANK YOU enough to everyone who took care of me.


Caregivers for cancer patients have such a difficult road to travel as their loved ones fight.  They face the bills coming in every week.... they ponder how life would be alone, without their spouse/parent/sister/brother/child. It is a REAL concern for those with family members in cancer treatment.

I always felt bad for putting my family through the cancer and hated watching the sadness in their faces.

We have all moved on, and now live as if I will live....as I am ALIVE.  But, it doesn't escape us that a recurrence is a real possibility.

FOR ALL CAREGIVERS, BLESS YOU!!  Thank you for sacrificing so much so we can get through the treatments and remember to take time for you!  Go to lunch, see a movie, and remember to get help to care for us...... it is a hard thing to do alone.

LOVE to the members of Team Stephanie who helped me SURVIVE:  Linda Yates, Kathryn Yates, Amy Yates, Chris Bowen, and my daughter Allison.

It takes  TEAM  to deal with a cancer diagnosis.

SCARS

Mom, Allison, and me.... proud I had hair! Spring 2011

As 2014 ends today I definitely ponder another year without cancer.

Melanoma is one that can return with no notice and people who have been diagnosed are not even given the prognosis of remission, we live with NED, No Evidence of Disease. This is very confusing to many people and I stick to language that is familiar to people, like remission.

I am 3 1/2 years NED.....and SO GRATEFUL.

Yet, my scars continue to remind me of my battle.

Even though I have my hair back, and my hips ;), I feel the scars all the time.Everyday I cover up my scars, & under my clothes is a hole under my left armpit.  The cancer had been a 16cm tumor, wrapped around my brachial plexus nerve.  It was HUGE. The 5 rounds biochemo killed it and it was a black, dead, ugly mass, that was removed in a 3 hour surgery in April 2011. The underarm has scars of the original lymph node biopsy done in 2000, with my first stage 1 melanoma.  My poor arm is saggy due to my lack of ability to really use it, as the surgery removed muscles and nerves. I was left with 2 JP drains as well.  I am blessed to actually be able to use my arm as I have a friend who lost an eye to melanoma!  LOST AN EYE!!!  I can hardly complain when I see her wonderful smile and feel her warmth and joy for life.  SHOUT OUT to Suzanne Lescure!!



Many of us carry these scars and will always experience fear at new pains in our bodies, feel our lymph nodes while showering, look at new spots and wonder how long they have been there.

I suppose I am grateful I "got out" of fighting cancer as well as I did. Most people do not know I was sick and cannot believe I almost died from "just skin cancer." I even had a coworker tell me she was reconsidering using sunscreen because of me.... ( that's right, she doesn't in using sunscreen.)

My caring bridge entry after finding out the cancer was gone:

Miracles

By Stephanie Bowen — May 12, 2011 6:32pm

     "No tumor in Nineteen lymph nodes", "No evidence of melanoma", "Importantly, no viable tumor cells are seen in any of these specimens."  Laboratory External Specimen Inquiry

This is the news I received today!! No evidence there is still cancer in my body!  Thank you Angels, Jesus, & Heavenly Father for the MIRACLES!  

I can plan on my return to my family!

Keep the HOPE!

love, Stephanie

Even though I have scars, I will move forward with HOPE & FAITH that even if it came back, I would beat it again.. 

Happy Holidays!!

Happy Holidays out there!  I have not posted in a couple months and with Christmas next week I have memories of Christmas 2010, when I was not sure if I would survive to see another holiday.

For those who do not know my story:  In short: In the fall of 2000 I had a clark's level 4 melanoma removed from my left forearm. It was followed by a lymph node biopsy. The result of that was GOOD, no cancer in my nodes. Life went on...... 10 years later, in the spring of 2010, I felt something under my left armpit. I put it out of my mind until breast cancer awareness month. That is when I really realized something was wrong. After weeks of tests to determine what was going on.... by late November of 2010 I FINALLY saw an oncologist who told me to go home, there was nothing that could be done.  IT WAS HORRIBLE.

At that time, I lived in a very isolated mountain town. My Mom and I headed towards southern California, praying that we would be led to someone around Christmas who had an option for treatment.

The MIRACLE of MIRACLES is a very good friend of mine in New York knew someone who knew someone on the board of the Melanoma Research Foundation. This connection got me an appointment on December 23rd, 2010 with Dr. Morton at the John Wayne Cancer Center. I had a tumor the size of a grapefruit under my left armpit and was in EXTREME PAIN.  This appointment led to test after test which indicated the cancer had spread and I needed a medical oncologist. My next visit was to the Angeles Clinic to see Dr. Hamid.  He told me, I will try to save your life Stephanie and if the shit hits the fan I will tell you. I was admitted in for bio-chemotherapy on Jan 5th, 2011.  I AM ALIVE!!

It was extremely painful and hard and I thought I was going to die at least 2-3 times during the treatment. My life has changed SO much since the cancer....my daughter suffered depression after the treatment....we lost our dream cabin in the mountains....BUT, I am alive!!!

With Christmas next week I will remember how BLESSED I am and even when I wonder WHY did I survive and so many others are gone, I will spread a message of HOPE & FAITH.

 My daughter & I at the start of my last treatment.

 My family, 1 year after cancer. 

My hubby & I in Glacier National Park, MT.