christmas tree

Yesterday I went to a memorial service for a friend who passed away after his cancer treatment from an infection in his blood. He died while recovering from cancer.

He called his iv tower the tree of life. I used to call mine the christmas tree. I suppose they are the same thing... a Christmas Tree is to celebrate the life of Christ & the tree of life for Paul was life giving as he was a man of DEEP faith in God, the Holy Spirit and Jesus.


This made me think of what cancer treatment does do your body and spirit. Those of us fighting, as well as our families, often have our faith renewed, created, and or tested. It is SO HARD to think that GOD would want anyone to go through the PAIN of cancer treatment. I have spent a lot of time pondering this.... as I experience GREAT physical pain during cancer treatment and my family experienced GREAT mental anguish worrying about me dying.

WHAT AM I getting at???

The simply point of this blog is to ask for PATIENCE for those of us who have been diagnosed with cancer. The anxieties do not just go away after treatment ends.... I myself am 4 years 2 months out of treatment and was crying like a baby after reading my the medical leave benefits for my job!  I wasn't planning on crying, trust me!

My christmas tree was an iv tower hooked into my double port...now my "iv tower" or christmas tree is a SOLID belief that there is a power greater than myself, I call God, and I have guardian angels looking out for me all the time.

What is your "Christmas Tree"??

How melanoma changed my life...

Back to Life, (this song motivated the title of my blog)

Yesterday was a day that I was reminded of how my outside activities have been affected by melanoma.  My family and I visited Travertine Hot Springs, outside of Bridgeport, CA. In my 20s, I was the first one to take off my clothes and jump in any hot water!  I did not think twice about the sun. 

Who can resist this? I sure couldn't!  I grew up visiting these types of natural wonders.... yet.... yesterday it was in the middle of the day, and the sun was way HIGH UP in the sky. My poor white body did not need this exposure at all. I did not get in the hot springs. 

DAMN YOU melanoma!!

I know I am not the only one to be affected by melanoma. The people out there diagnoses with stage 1 are now covering up all the time!  They feel fear of the sun that was never there before.  Families are mourning the loss of loved ones, a number too big for me to think about now. My eyes are filled with tears thinking of all the people who have lost their lives to "just skin cancer!"  

For today, I will approach my life with much respect for the sun's rays and use this knowledge to warn others about the dangers of too much exposure.

I have been blessed with a 2nd chance to get Back to Life and I will continue to spread a message of HOPE and AWARENESS for melanoma and fighting cancer. 

A letter To the Newly Diagnosed and those is the Trenches of the Fight

Dear Newly Diagnosed with Cancer & those who are actively FIGHTING,

First, I am SORRY you are going through this. I too have been there!  It is THE hardest and SCARIEST thing you a person can face. I know you are scared and your family is scared.  BUT, I want to share a message of HOPE.

The year of 2011 began for me with a diagnosis that only gave me 5-8% chance to live 5 years. I had anywhere from 2-6 months to live. It was stage IV metastatic melanoma. A tumor the size of a grapefruit was under my left armpit. The pain was unbearable. The fear was unimaginable. I had NO IDEA how I would survive. Without going into the gory details, I did survive and I am here now.

What I want to do for all those in the middle of cancer treatment, is extend a HUGE HUG!  That is right, I am a hugger!  I want to hug all of you and tell you to take it easy and rest. Let the medicine do it's job and know that so many of us have been right where you are. I am one of the people who was told to go home and get their affairs in order. "There is nothing I can do for you," were the words from one doctor to me and husband and mother. My poor husband almost fainted.

With a lot of faith, I was led to the Angeles Clinic in Santa Monica, CA. This is where I met the charming Dr. Hamid. He said I will try to save your life and if the shit hits the fan, I will tell, and it has not hit the fan yet. He sent me in to the hospital for bio-chemotherapy.

I said I would not share gory details... so I won't.  But, I want to tell you I KNOW about the pain of treatment. I know about hair loss....I know about not eating for 14 days....I KNOW about being close to death. I know about wanting death to end the pain of the treatment and the pain of watching your family watch you in the middle of the pain of cancer treatment.

These days of fighting cancer are the the HARDEST times you will face.

I am so proud of YOU for your fight and the dignity you have during this time.

THERE is an ARMY of PEOPLE praying for you, RIGHT NOW!

& MOST OF ALL, I WANT TO SAY TO YOU:  STAY STRONG!!

MUCH LOVE to YOU

Sincerely,

Steph