Vampire Syndrome

Today I took a big walk with my dog, in the sun. Even with a hat on and my skin covered up, I felt I was putting myself in harm's way. I thought, I am a vampire. I am someone who loves the dark. BUT, I also felt as if I were visiting a long lost friend.

The sun and I had had a long relationship....me laying out in it, feeling the warm rays on my skin....and thinking that sunscreen would protect me. Days and days and years and years of sun. Melanoma changed all that....

I like shady cloud covered days...ones where I feel there are less dangerous UV rays coming down. I am jealous of people who sit out in the sun, unaware of its dangers.

What does 2014 have in store for me? Will I continue to be a worshipper of the dark? Will I continue to have vampire syndrome? Somehow I will make peace with the sun....I will not feel every ray is out to get me! 

After all, the sun helps plants grow...and it makes beautiful sunrises and sunsets. The sun and I will continue to have an awkward and reluctant relationship.

Christmas Wish

After reading about this woman, I had to share and post a blog today, 2 days before Christmas.

I do not know who reads my blog, so here is a recap. 3 years, my family and I spent Christmas thinking it would be my last Christmas with my family. I had a diagnosis of stage IV melanoma. According to the National Institute of Health "The prognosis for patients with distant metastases is generally poor, with historical 5-year survival rates of less than 10%."

Therefore, I definitely had thoughts about how my husband and daughter would love without me. During treatments I prayed that my husband would find love again if I were to pass.

I think that when one is close to dying we have intuitions as to how to move on peacefully. Those who know me even better, know I believe in Angelic Help....I know we have angels who will guide us through the hard times.

This beautiful woman definitely is an angel now and this story is so beautiful!!

I will continue to pray for those who are fighting cancer right now, as cancer does not take a Christmas Vacation. Cancer keeps going through all days....and it is a horrible nemesis for us to face. It is no longer an "old" person's disease. It takes mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters from us.

When I tell my family I do not want anything for Christmas....I mean it, as I have survived and I live, 3 years after thinking I would gone and they would be dealing with facing life without me.


Peace and Love to you all out there!! & a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!



(Not that I am the most important person in the world, but I sure love my family!!)

 

Benda Schmitz... passed away from cancer and left her family an awesome wish for happiness in her absence.


http://www.buzzfeed.com/rachelzarrell/two-years-after-she-passed-away-a-woman-gives-her-family-an

Belonging to the "Club"

I am a reluctant member of the melanoma club. I did not want to join, but fate and hours of sunbathing as a young person (in my teens and 20s) qualified me as I received the horrible news of being diagnosed with stage IV melanoma in December  of 2010.

It really struck this weekend, as I began to notice all of the hundreds of us who have been affected by melanoma cancer. I have SO MANY cyber friends that are a part of this club. We often call ourselves "melahomies."  Some of us have passed away....some of us are actively fighting....and some of us are blessed to be NED.

BUT, there are too many us. I HATE cancer. I HATE what cancer did to my family. I HATE that my family had to watch me go through the horrific treatments. I HATE that so many people do not make it through the treatments and or their cancer wins...because melanoma is a malevolent force and can be resistant to traditional medicine. 

I try so hard to be a positive person, but sometimes I feel angry at cancer and I feel angry to be a part of the melanoma club. Ignorance is bliss....and I am not ignorant about melanoma.

I will always pay a lot in medical bills as I need to be constantly monitored as melanoma likes to return. I will always feel the hole in my left armpit, and the numbness on my left side from the removal of the tumor that had wrapped around my brachial plexus nerve. Most people will not know I went through any of that....

I hope a day comes that I do not think about cancer....but that day is not today.

I am comforted that if I had a reoccurrence I have so many people to support me and my family...and I will continue to reach out to other people in the "melanoma club." I am grateful to be alive.