Gratitude

 Is it a cliche? Do have profound gratitude around holiday time? For me it is truly a time of year for sincere gratitude for LIFE.

December of 2010 I was gravely ill. I was about to start a 2nd battle with melanoma. My first melanoma was a stage one, the second melanoma was stage four. At that time, only 10 years ago, a stage four metastatic melanoma diagnosis was fatal. There were no proven treatments. Every time I write this, I try to not be melodramatic. But, after the pet / CT  scans, brain MRIs, blood work, on Christmas eve of 2010 I received a call that the cancer was in my lungs (along with the 16 cm tumor) and simply removing the tumor would not be enough. The truth is, I had less than a year to live. 

I was sent to the Angeles Clinic the first week of January, 2011 and I met Dr. Hamid. He said I will try to save your life and if the shit hits the fan, I will tell you, but it has not yet!  I can tell you, I felt like I was dying. My tumor was HUGE and the pain was horrible. The cancer was spreading. 

October 2020 with Dr. Hamid

Needless to say, the experimental biochemotherapy treatment saved my life. I do not know why I was spared when so many others die after receiving a similar diagnosis. I am an ordinary person. I am not doing anything exceptional. I will always try to spread HOPE to others and hopefully by sharing my story of HOPE I can give back for the gift of life I have been given. 

Today, I remember that day, when the news came how sick I was and change it to GRATITUDE. 

Love each other as LIFE is FRAGILE. 

For the fighters: BE BRAVE and Hold Up HIGH, there are prayers for you from people you have ever met. 

What do you wear for a CT scan

 It is important to wear clothing with no metal when going for a CT scan. Therefore, as a woman, I need to wear a bra that is not underwire. This way I can avoid having to put on a hospital gown. To get through a scan, I use day dreaming. I dream of wear I will eat lunch, as I had to fast and missed breakfast because I had to drink the chalky drink for scans.  I dream of that day I skied 14 inches of fresh powder!  I dream of the awesome bucket list trip I took to Costa Rica last year...anything to get my mind off that these scans are a mandatory part of my life due to a diagnosis of stage 4 melanoma. 

Granted, I am NED (No Evidence of Disease) for 9 years...  I know how sneaky melanoma is and how it is a life wrecker... Melanoma does whatever it wants.  

During these crazy days of 2020 it is, more than ever, to GRATEFUL for surviving.  Grateful to be ALIVE.  

I send prayers out to those who are actively fighting and want you to know that others have been there and we are here, alive and breathing and we know how hard it is to prep for the scans, to not know when the cancer will finally respond to treatment and to know what it is like to plan on telling your family goodbye. 

I do not know why I am still here, but I will do my best to spread HOPE and awareness for melanoma!!

Hate you melanoma

Well, I am officially 9 years out from my last cancer treatment!

is 

And while I am stoked, I am very sad today to hear a melahomie 

is now on hospice care. This young man has been fighting since I was declared NED, No Evidence of Disease. He has 2 young children and a beautiful wife. He has co-sponsored an organization called Stage Free Melanoma and spearheaded a melanoma bus so that people can get free skin checks and stay stage free of melanoma. He is truly a warrior and an advocate for melanoma awareness.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUlPcwiouaM&t=7s







I send prayers for peace as this family goes through the process of saying goodbye. I am going to be grateful to have met him and his family and know he is heading to heaven. Please know that melanoma is so much more than "just skin cancer." 

Covid-19

Thoughts on coronavirus and cancer.


Well then... I never knew that cancer treatment would train me for something like this.  How is this pandemic like cancer?? Let me share  the two big reasons why this is similar.



1) A cancer diagnosis places its patients in isolation. We are currently in isolation, but we are healthy.

2) During cancer treatment, you are worried about getting sick. Now, everyone is worried about getting sick. 

I never thought that chemotherapy treatment would train me for something like this. During chemo, you are so worried about getting sick, you spend a lot of time alone, and you are basically worried about your health, all of the time. Unfortunately, everyone in the world is now worried about getting sick. The big exception, is that people are not sick. We are sitting at home avoiding catching the virus. And we definitely do not want to get sick.


I miss contributing to society with my job as a school teacher. I had always wanted to teach and have done so for 20 years! My life's calling is education and I am proud of it. But, cancer treatment taught me to sit still and heal when necessary. 

As I sit at home and quarantine, I remember the days of chemotherapy quarantine. You isolate so you do not get sick while the rest of the world continues forward. You are stuck in one place as the world moves at a rapid pace around you. Life stops. 

I would NEVER want anyone to go through this, but now people have a better understanding as this happens to all of us. Wearing a mask used to be a symbol that you are sick and when you wore one as a cancer patient, people definitely looked at you as though you were a sorry person. The looks of pity and sorrow comes to mind as I see others wearing masks. 

I hope when this is over, we remember those fighting cancer and how they are still in an existence of isolation. They still are worried about getting sick. Cancer patients will always have a worry of a re-occurrence of cancer. Thus is the life of someone who had a diagnosis of melanoma or any cancer. 

How can we reach out to those who will continue to worry about being healthy when this pandemic is over? Just some food for thought. Remember, when the pandemic ends, cancer continues... screw you cancer.