Melanoma: Back to life after stage IV melanoma: Authentic Self : Lessons from Cancer

It is somewhat cliche to say and cheesy, but I have learned lessons from fighting cancer. It was hard at first to admit there was anything good about the experience. Also, I would never want anyone to go through the life changing experiences of fighting cancer. What I feel is most important for me is that I am now truly, my most Authentic Self.

Explanation:

1) When first diagnosed, I was very sick. The reality that I had a 5-8% chance of living 5 years was a hard pill to swallow. I had just turned 40 and my daughter was only 12. My career was going and I simply had no time for cancer.

OKAY SELF: you do not get to choose to be sick or not to be sick. You had to deal with the diagnosis. Sure,we can do what we can to prevent cancer, but as of late 2010, your path was to FIGHT. If you survive, well, that was out of your hands completely. It is time to truly look inside myself and be true to me only... time to survive!

2) I fought like hell.

round 1 of biochemotherapy

round 2 of biochemotherapy

a visit with my daughter, too tired to do anything but lay in bed

round 3... losing my hair

a visit from my family

my sweet husband

after surgery

finally home!!

During active fighting of cancer, I was in each moment because I did not know if I would wake up. Literally, I would close my eyes and not know if I would open them. You have to be OK with that and you have to allow the medicine to do its job. When treating cancer , there is no guarantee that the cancer will respond. Melanoma likes to go to your brain and liver and for me I had brain MRIs frequently! During treatments I was admitted to the oncology ward of St. John's Hospital in Santa Monica.

The soul searching I did during treatment is quite hard to explain. I came to believe that there is a poweOK with dying know that my family would survive if I passed. I also wanted to die occasionally to end the pain of the treatment. (I do not tell a lot of people that.) I had to let go of anger and resentments. I was barely alive and thought my last views in the world was going to be Los Angeles Skyline.

3) YOU ARE ALIVE, NOW WHAT??

Survival: There are many stages after treatments end.

Here are a few: "HOLY SHIT!! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?" "I'M ALIVE!! I'M ALIVE!!!" Survivor's Guilt is real.

Fear of a reoccurrence is CONSTANT.

People shunned me when I returned home, hardly anyone in my town of 150 residents came to see me and people even turned there back on me in town, literally. Guess I looked scary...sad

HOW CAN I HELP OTHERS WHO ARE FIGHTING?

Now I am 7 years NED and I have learned that I need to be my Authentic Self. What does this??

BE TRUE TO ME

Say what I mean, don't say it mean.

My life is fantastic now. I moved away from the town that shunned me when I was sick. I still teach children and love helping kids see a value in education. I live near Yosemite and enjoy many hikes and vistas there. I am honest with others and do my best to spread kindness and love into the world.

me hiking to upper Yosemite Falls!