Beating the Unbeatable

7 years ago I was declared NED. No Evidence of Disease. 7 Years and 9 months ago I was told to go home, "there is nothing I can do, I could have told you this over the phone."

I DON'T THINK SO!

There are some things I know for sure about my experience. There are parts of surviving the unbeatable that stay with you.

Survivor's Guilt:  I had a doctor who told me, "Screw Survivor's Guilt!"  So, I have tried, and for the most part I do not allow myself to have survivor's guilt. Yet, the longer I have cancer free and the more people that die from the same diagnosis I had, survivor's guilt does creep up. It does not seem fair that others perish from melanoma, and I am still here. I truly do not know why I made and others did not, but I did. And I do not want to waste my time here! My philosophy is to give back when I can and spread my story to spread HOPE to others.

Scanxiety:  This is a real fear. For about 3-4 years after being declared NED, I used xantax to deal with the anxiety. I often would begin to panic a couple weeks before a cancer check up. Slowly, I have learned that going to cancer centers for checkups will always be a part of my life and better to face scans with dignity and courage. Just like I faced the original diagnosis and treatment. My goal was to always smile, and treat my nurses and caregivers with kindness. If I were to die I did not want to be remembered as the grouchy patient. Just saying...I know this sounds strange, but sometimes I thought that being the patient was easier than being the caregiver.

Life Lessons: I suppose I could become all philosophical and say that cancer was a "good thing" and I am overall "happy" for what I learned while sick. Sorry, I am not HAPPY I got cancer and I AM NOT HAPPY FOR the HELL it put my family through. BUT, I did learn who my real friends were and learned how many people drop you like a hot potato becuase they are "uncomfortable" you are sick and dying. I had practically an entire community turn on me and my family as I fought for my life.
I learned that YOUR FAMILY IS MOST IMPORTANT. My daughter, husband, mom, sisters.... these people gave me the will to endure 5 rounds of biochemotherapy. (This is 3 chemo drugs and 2 immunotherapy drugs administered all at once and the treatment almost kills you.)
7 years later, I know I live for the day and do not allow good times to pass me up!
LIVE WITH NO REGRETS! You can't get tomorrow back. You do not want to ever find yourself in a bed, fighting for your life and thinking about how you did not take that trip or drink that bottle of wine or give someone something of yourself. You have to give it away in order to get it back!


A SPECIAL MESSAGE: To all my friends who are my melahomies. I LOVE YOU and I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE FACING. I still have survivor's guilt thinking I have been here for 7 years, cancer free and some of you are still fighting. I know you are so strong and you and your families are amazing. I send you LOVE and HUGS and I KNOW you are scared. Please know there are others out here who have beaten the beast that is melanoma. Please message me if you need a vacation to Yosemite and some Nature RX. I want to help!