My PERSPECTIVE now is that of a survivor. 7 years ago I began down the road of fighting for my life. I had one doctor tell me "go home, there is nothing I can do for you' and another tell me "Stephanie, I am going to try to save your life, and if the shit hits the fan, I will tell you, and it has not hit the fan yet." PERSPECTIVE
Of course, I went to the 2nd doctor! He began a serious of experimental treatments called biochemotherapy. This is the hardest chemotherapy regimen on the planet. I received 2 years worth of treatments in 5 months. I was admitted to the hospital for treatments and monitored every 4 hours to make sure I was alive. I lost 60 pounds and all my hair. Brutal? HARD? YES!!!
The first few years out of treatment I tried to return to my normal life. My bones hurt. My memory was horrible. Yet, I put one foot in front of the other and refused to give in! I cried... a lot... who knew depression was caused by interferon?? I found out... FEAR ruled my life. Fear of melanoma returning. I was more afraid than I let anyone know. I had already scared the shit out of my family.
PERSPECTIVE
Being a cancer SURVIVOR has made a person who DOES NOT PUT UP WITH SHIT. I stand my ground and speak my mind. (Some may say this is who I have always been.) I know in my heart what I stand for... and I still am afraid of melanoma coming back...but my 7th year of NED has brought me more peace that I am here to stay!
My view on life now is to GO FOR IT! AND to help others who are in the fight! I am heart broken at all the people who have not survived like me, and are gone. Survivor's guilt is real. My survivorship means, to me, that I give back to the cancer community. I am forever a member of this club. One of my best friends joined the club survivor breast cancer, and I cried and cried when she told me her diagnosis. Cancer is a BITCH and I HATE it with all my heart.
I will continue to organize my 5k for Melanoma Awareness and monies to go to research so that one day,others can be told their chances of surviving a melanoma diagnosis of stage 4 are 90% versus the 5-8% I was given. I want to LIVE LOUD and HAVE ADVENTURES...
If you finding this blog and are newly diagnosed... please have HOPE! There are many of us diagnosed with Stage 4 and told to go home, and we are HERE! Surviving cancer changes your perspective. It makes sunrises more beautiful. It makes sunsets and rainbows magical. It helps you truly do what matters with your life!
