Fall of 2010 I was diagnosed with late stage cancer, stage IV melanoma cancer.... spread to my lungs, sacrum, and a large 16 cm tumor in my left armpit which was wrapped around my brachial plexus nerve. It was frightening and painful. I had 5-8% chance of living 5 years.
Well, I am more than a number and more than odds given to me. I often like to even forget it happened. But, I will ALWAYS have to be diligent in cancer checkups and due to the HIGH statistics for recurrences in melanoma, I can never not be concerned...
FOR TODAY, I AM ALIVE!!
I am writing today's blog for an update on life at 7 years NED.
For the first couple of years after treatment I spent a lot of time sad. I was dealing with survivor's guilt, PTSD, fear or recurrences, and overall exhaustion from the treatments themselves. My body had bring brought to the edge of death and coming back life WAS extremely HARD. My brain was foggy, my body was TIRED, and my joints HURT. I was unsure I would ever feel "normal" again.
The third and fourth year after treatments I improved in energy levels, my brain was recovering and I overall looked better! I began putting weight back on and my hair was growing out. (I had lost 60 pounds and all my hair during treatment.) I cried less and was able to have energy for more activities.
The fifth year out of treatment to now: I basically am "normal." The parts of me that as good as it gets are unseen by all. My left arm suffers from lymphedema. If it is hot or I use it too much, I then swell. I wear a sleeve to help. My brain power is pretty good! I can remember what I need to remember. There are still moments in time that are GONE from my memory. It is so strange to have moments lost.... completely erased from your brain. I compare it to an etch-a-sketch, my treatments completely shook up my brain cells and memory! My energy levels look good and feel good, but there are still times I basically run out of steam and collapse with exhaustion. It is hard because I am a teacher, the job that asks of its people more and more and more. There is only so much I can give, but I do my best.
SO, anyone out there who is not knowing how they will feel after treatments: BE PATIENT. You do get back to a "normal" one day. It is okay to sit down, watch a funny movie and let the dishes stack up. It is okay to ask someone to bring you lunch. It is okay to say no to social engagements (or work) because you have given all you can give.
It is hard to explain to people what cancer treatment does to person's stamina and energy and brain! I know! I know people do not understand because I look FINE and it was 7 years ago I stopped treatments. For me, I was on the brink of death and basically have been coming back from that for 7 years and I AM GRATEFUL to be ALIVE.
Take care of you PEOPLE! HUGS TO ALL MY MELAHOMIES who are in the ACTIVE BATTLE of fighting active disease.
