memories....

In January of 2011 I was admitted into St. John's Hospital in order to fight stage IV melanoma cancer. My treatment was to be one that did not promise survival. It was one of the hardest regimes known to the world of fighting cancer. As I try to not think about this time, the memories often come to me at random times... and music brings on memories.

My family would drive me to the hospital, to the Angeles Clinic and basically took care of me during my treatments. I listened to a CD by Train during the drive to Los Angeles from Laguna Beach. This morning, as I drove to work, I listened to the same CD.  I immediately was back in the front seat of my mom's jetta, in the heated leather seat, turning off the 405 freeway onto Wilshire Blvd. I immediately am flooded with the memories of how life was going to be as I began my 5 days of treatments that rendered me weak, sick, and barely alive.

Those of you fighting cancer may have experienced these feelings. These feelings do not go away. They fade...but do not go away. For me, October holds memories as it is when the horrible tumor under my left armpit began to grow, in 2010. I am not full of as much fear as I used to be in October...and I am braver now when I walk into a cancer center....as I am by all means healthy.

But, melanoma is sneaky.... and it is a beast.....  so I will always use these memories to fuel me to LIVE and NOT SETTLE for ANYTHING less than the BEST!  I will laugh and enjoy my life.  I will continue to bring awareness to melanoma....

ENJOY the song and know that "I am not a new sensation, but I am better than I've ever been!"

PEACE !