SCARS

Mom, Allison, and me.... proud I had hair! Spring 2011

As 2014 ends today I definitely ponder another year without cancer.

Melanoma is one that can return with no notice and people who have been diagnosed are not even given the prognosis of remission, we live with NED, No Evidence of Disease. This is very confusing to many people and I stick to language that is familiar to people, like remission.

I am 3 1/2 years NED.....and SO GRATEFUL.

Yet, my scars continue to remind me of my battle.

Even though I have my hair back, and my hips ;), I feel the scars all the time.Everyday I cover up my scars, & under my clothes is a hole under my left armpit.  The cancer had been a 16cm tumor, wrapped around my brachial plexus nerve.  It was HUGE. The 5 rounds biochemo killed it and it was a black, dead, ugly mass, that was removed in a 3 hour surgery in April 2011. The underarm has scars of the original lymph node biopsy done in 2000, with my first stage 1 melanoma.  My poor arm is saggy due to my lack of ability to really use it, as the surgery removed muscles and nerves. I was left with 2 JP drains as well.  I am blessed to actually be able to use my arm as I have a friend who lost an eye to melanoma!  LOST AN EYE!!!  I can hardly complain when I see her wonderful smile and feel her warmth and joy for life.  SHOUT OUT to Suzanne Lescure!!



Many of us carry these scars and will always experience fear at new pains in our bodies, feel our lymph nodes while showering, look at new spots and wonder how long they have been there.

I suppose I am grateful I "got out" of fighting cancer as well as I did. Most people do not know I was sick and cannot believe I almost died from "just skin cancer." I even had a coworker tell me she was reconsidering using sunscreen because of me.... ( that's right, she doesn't in using sunscreen.)

My caring bridge entry after finding out the cancer was gone:

Miracles

By Stephanie Bowen — May 12, 2011 6:32pm

     "No tumor in Nineteen lymph nodes", "No evidence of melanoma", "Importantly, no viable tumor cells are seen in any of these specimens."  Laboratory External Specimen Inquiry

This is the news I received today!! No evidence there is still cancer in my body!  Thank you Angels, Jesus, & Heavenly Father for the MIRACLES!  

I can plan on my return to my family!

Keep the HOPE!

love, Stephanie

Even though I have scars, I will move forward with HOPE & FAITH that even if it came back, I would beat it again.. 

Happy Holidays!!

Happy Holidays out there!  I have not posted in a couple months and with Christmas next week I have memories of Christmas 2010, when I was not sure if I would survive to see another holiday.

For those who do not know my story:  In short: In the fall of 2000 I had a clark's level 4 melanoma removed from my left forearm. It was followed by a lymph node biopsy. The result of that was GOOD, no cancer in my nodes. Life went on...... 10 years later, in the spring of 2010, I felt something under my left armpit. I put it out of my mind until breast cancer awareness month. That is when I really realized something was wrong. After weeks of tests to determine what was going on.... by late November of 2010 I FINALLY saw an oncologist who told me to go home, there was nothing that could be done.  IT WAS HORRIBLE.

At that time, I lived in a very isolated mountain town. My Mom and I headed towards southern California, praying that we would be led to someone around Christmas who had an option for treatment.

The MIRACLE of MIRACLES is a very good friend of mine in New York knew someone who knew someone on the board of the Melanoma Research Foundation. This connection got me an appointment on December 23rd, 2010 with Dr. Morton at the John Wayne Cancer Center. I had a tumor the size of a grapefruit under my left armpit and was in EXTREME PAIN.  This appointment led to test after test which indicated the cancer had spread and I needed a medical oncologist. My next visit was to the Angeles Clinic to see Dr. Hamid.  He told me, I will try to save your life Stephanie and if the shit hits the fan I will tell you. I was admitted in for bio-chemotherapy on Jan 5th, 2011.  I AM ALIVE!!

It was extremely painful and hard and I thought I was going to die at least 2-3 times during the treatment. My life has changed SO much since the cancer....my daughter suffered depression after the treatment....we lost our dream cabin in the mountains....BUT, I am alive!!!

With Christmas next week I will remember how BLESSED I am and even when I wonder WHY did I survive and so many others are gone, I will spread a message of HOPE & FAITH.

 My daughter & I at the start of my last treatment.

 My family, 1 year after cancer. 

My hubby & I in Glacier National Park, MT.